HEY!  WHAT’S THE GRAND CANYON DOING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE 6^TH FAIRWAY?

    For those of you that showed up for the practice round last week, you got to witness first hand the changes being made to the course.  This year especially will be a year of transition and we will have to do our best to live with the temporary set up of many of the holes.  One noticeable improvement we have already observed is the better drainage.  None of us can remember playing 5 from the back tees in April.   Dick Pelczar says he can’t remember playing 5 from any tees.  Dick Kelledy can’t remember Dick Pelczar!  Oh well, we digress.   During this transition period, the League will be adopting a few local rules.  The first deals with temporary greens.  Right now, holes 1 and 14 have temporary greens defined by a white circle in

HAVEN’T I MET YOU SOME PLACE BEFORE?

   No that’s no a pick up line but rather a welcome to all our new and returning members.  First we welcome our new members, Sean Dalton, a Boston Revenue agent who is partnered with Fred Morrill, newly retired and a man who needed no introduction (except to Sean)!  The B Division gives us John Daszkiewcz, who the Editors of Foreplay hate due to the two minutes it takes to spell his name and Gene Driscoll, who insists he is no relation to Bill, but the jury is still out.  New to in the D Division are Dave Nicholson from CI in Stoneham and Karen Murphy, an RA in Stoneham.  Finally, we have two retuning members.  First we welcome back Dave Butka, larger than life as well as the Hancock Tower.  And of course we are thrilled to welcome back a long absence, Barry “The Can” Higgins.  George Kattar may be worried about losing members at the course but he need not fear as the beer sales have just doubled! 

WHEN IN THE COURSE OF HUMAN EVENTS….

   We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all golfers are created equal, that they are endowed by the golf gods with certain unalienable rights, that among these are guaranteed tee times, handicapped matches against all opponents and the pursuit of a Titleist around 18 holes of a golf course.  That to secure these rights, Clubs without Real Estate are formed among coworkers deriving their just powers from the consent of the members and the USGA.  Yes this is the story of the humble beginnings of the North Shore Golf Club when President Rick “I can not tell a lie or drop a golf ball correctly” Stanton approached the MGA with our plea to be a sovereign golf club. Rick, the father of our golf club, enlisted the services of Danny “Thomas Jefferson” DiLorenzo, who once boasted “I never met a man I couldn’t berate in print” to draft our charter and be the chief attaché to the governing bodies of the MGA and USGA.  John “Paul Revere” Casazza was sent out by horseback to deliver the news to all members by shouting “The handicap cards are coming! The handicap cards are coming!”, but unfortunately his trusty steed sunk beneath John’s girth into the 5^th fairway, so now we just stick the cards into Cazoo’s box.   Paul “Alexander Hamilton” Joyce became our club’s first treasurer and through his watchful eye, our GNP (Gross and Net Prizes) increased dramatically.  Now everything hasn’t been totally rosy during the years.  Who can forget when Jim “Benedict Arnold” Withers defected to the South Shore League and instituted his own form of Monarchy?  Also, who can forget the Presidency of Bill “Rutherford B. Hayes” Noonan?  Actually, who can remember that Presidency?  Of course we still have Joe “Aaron Burr” Kennedy, ready to dual any officer who differs with his opinion and Bo “Nathan Hale” Lynch who regrets he only had one year to serve as our President.  (We still think he’s wrapping up a few loose ends.) We therefore, the representatives of the North Shore Golf Club, solemnly publish and declare to post all scores, play ready golf, play the ball as it lies (except of course in your own fairway) and play the game as true sports.  To this we mutually pledge to each other our irons, our woods and our sacred Tommy Cameron Putters.     

Prizes?  Ask not what your golf club can do for you, but rather what you can do for your golf club.  In other words, you don’t get prizes when we don’t play! 

BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A DIME

   Last week after golf, Dave Hatherley was seen peddling his unsanctioned North Shore Golf Club hats by the 18^th green. We understand the price was $10.00 for one, $25.00 for two.  (Mark Silva bought two because his ego couldn’t fit into just one!)  Actually, we have to give Dave credit.  Many years ago when we formed the club, one of our ideas was to have a logo that could be placed on various articles of clothing, golf balls mugs etc.   We think that Dave should let certain members of the League wear the hat first and then sign them so they would be worth more in value.  How much would you pay for an autographed hat that was worn by Mike Pratt on a 90 degree day?  We could probably auction it off at the year end banquet and dramatically reduce our dues for next year!  (Actually, that’s one of those items that Goodwill says “Thanks but no thanks” to.)  Anyway, if you want a hat, see Dave.  If you don’t like it, you can probably use it to pay for the Club Championship. 

EDDIE BAUER, ALWAYS FASHIONABLE!

   Due to an oversight by the Editor’s of Foreplay; Eddie Bauer was erroneous omitted from the prizes last week.  Tonight we are happy to award Ed three Revlon Make-up Points from page 23 of the catalog. 

 GET OFF MY BACK!

   The Editor’s of Foreplay placed a call to Dennis Snow who, as you may or may not know, had back surgery last week.  We are pleased to report that Dennis is doing great.  He highly recommends the surgery.  We’re not sure if he means to relieve back pain or just for cosmetic purposes.   Dennis was pleased to report that the pain was completely gone, but then Linda walked into the room and that was the end of that!  Actually Dennis reports he had two discs removed.  Now we’re not doctors, but wouldn’t that make Dennis a couple of inches shorter?  If that’s the case, he’ll probably have to be fitted for new clubs.  On second thought, maybe Matt Silva can just give him his irons since he never uses them!  You’re on your own for the Woods Dennis!

  NO SHIRT FOR YOU!!

    Just kidding!  All the winners will get an official NDGC shirt.  Congratulations go out to all the victors in last week’s 12^th Annual Club Championship.  The title of Club Champion went to 5-time Champion Skip Kelley who successfully defended the crown by shooting a 74.  Skip’s nearest competition came from a couple of groups back as Frank McCann shot a 76.   That was enough to give him low gross in the Championship flight.  Low net in that flight came from the same foursome in the person of Rick Steere with a low net of 64.  Low amateur went to Pat Casazza with an 81!  In the “A” flight, low gross went to rookie Sean Dalton with a blistering 82.  Low net went to another first timer, Gene Driscoll, who also shot an 82 but we gave him the low net because it really doesn’t matter since you get the same prize anyway and besides, his name is Driscoll!  In Flight “B”, sandbagging Ed Bauer, shooting an excellent 82, won the low gross even though he has had his handicap reduced for exceptional tournament play.  He beat out Barbara Wands, who also shot an 84, however Barb got to go home with the prize of low net in addition to our handicapper.  (Well not every prize is good!)  In Flight “C”, the low gross was captured by Dick Kelledy who shot an outstanding 82.  He was tied by Dave, “38^th in line to make a decision in the League” Hatherley.  If any of you recall in your drunken state last week, Dave was not recognized for his accomplishment.  That’s because we’re still upset about the unsanctioned hats!    Once again the low net in this flight was turned in by Dick Pelczar with a net 63.  You may think this is impressive but last year Dick turned in a net 57.  Ed Bauer wants to know why Dick’s handicap hasn’t been reduced.  Don’t worry Ed; he still only gets a shirt and balls.  Finally in the “D” flight, low gross went to a visitor from the South Shore League, Dee Woodward who shot a 101.  We appreciate you folks for letting her win so we can have more of a turnout from the South next year.  It goes without saying that low net went to JoAnn Johnson with a net 71.  It’s that time of year when JoAnn restocks her closet with NSGC apparel!  Finally, thanks to Jim Haker and Lynette for the NSGC mugs.  It was a great idea and a nice touch.  By the way Dave, the mugs are sanctioned.  

   Congratulations are in order for our Regular Season Champions in each of the Divisions.  In the “A” Division, The team of McCann and Steere walked away with a whopping 10 point victory.   Equally impressive was the team of newcomers Driscoll and Daszkiewcz who took the “B” Division title by 8.5 points.    The “C” Division title was not decided until the last hole as the team of O’Sullivan and DiLorenzo overtook the team of Bauer and Moore to win by one half point.  Finally, in the “D” Division, in another hotly contested race, the team of Pelczar and Lynette O’Brien snuck past the team of Higgins and Nicholson, winning by 2 points.  Each of the four teams will receive a bye this week and gift not to exceed $1,000 at the year-end banquet. Good luck to all teams in the playoffs tonight.

   Last week marked the opening round of the playoffs and with it, new hope for all.  Unfortunately for 12 teams, the dream has ended, realizing once again that another year has passed without being able to call themselves NSGL Champions.  However, we are here to celebrate the winners.  In the A Division, the team of Dwyer and Norton advanced as there opponents, Butka and Stanton opted to be elsewhere. (Where else could be better than this?) Casazza and Haker moved on by defeating the team of Morrill and Dalton 3&2.  Finally in the A Division, after reintroducing each other, the team of Mark Silva and Marino, defeated Kelley and Bob Gorey 2&1.  In the B Division, The team of Demeo and Majeau defeated Beauchain and Snow 3&2.   The team of Lynch and Crowley defeated Noonan and Wands 1 up for the right to face Plouffe and Chan who defeated Kaplan and Marcou, also 1 up.  Thanks for coming Jeff!  In the C Division, the team of Kennedy and Collins bested the team of Hatherley and Pratt 3&1.   This just in, in the slowest match of the night, Keane and Donovan defeated Joyce and Callahan 3&2.  Also in the C, in what could be the upset of the week, The 7^th seeded team of Matt Silva and Steve O’Brien sounded defeated the 2^nd seeded team of Bauer and Moore 4&2.  It could have been worse Ed; Mark could have been your partner!  Finally in the D Division, the team of Ouellette and Gagnon defeating Mike McLane, valiantly playing without his partner Roger Brown, 3&2.   Similarly, the team of Kelledy and Theresa Gorey were able to hold on again Robin, who was playing without her partner JoAnn.  Their 1 up victory ends JoAnn’s 3-year hold on the NSGL championship trophy.  Finally, the team of Higgins and Nicholson defeated the team of DiCenso and Murphy 3&2.  Good luck to all the remaining teams tonight.

   Last weeks quarterfinals lived up to expectations with many matches being decided on the last hole as well as our 1st overtime match of the playoffs.   In the A Division, Rick Steere, playing without his partner Frank McCann succumbed to the team of Dwyer and Norton 2&1.  Rumor has it that Frankie was in Vegas placing a bet on Jim and George.   The other “A” Division match went to the 10^th hole as the team of Silva and Marino came from 3 down to upset the team of Casazza and Haker.  Remember guys, if you win it all you get the same partner next year!   In the “B” Division, the team of Driscoll and Daszkiewcz defeated Tom Demeo, also without his partner Bob Majeau, 3&1.  The Editors of Foreplay are secretly routing against Gene and John since they have a bitch of a time spelling Daszkiewcz every week.  They will play the team of Lynch and Crowley who solidly defeated the team of Plouffe and Chan 4&2.  We don’t know if Dan is more excited about his victory or BC’s showing so far this year.  In the “C” Division, Danny D. battled without his partner Jerry O’Sullivan but eventually fell to the team of Kennedy and Collins, 1up.  The tables we be turned next week when Jack will have to face the team of Steve O’Brien and Matt Silva alone.  Steve and Matt earned the right to play Jack, winning a close battle with Keane and Donovan 1 up.  In the “D” Division highlighted by one of Tony’s best rounds, the team of Ouellette and Gagnon advanced by defeating Pelczar and Lynette O’Brien 2&1.  Finally in the biggest upset of the playoffs to date, Dick Kelledy, without his partner Theresa Gorey, defeated the team of Higgins and Nicholson 2&1.  Barry and Dave promptly proceeded to increase the net worth of Anheuser-Busch..   Good luck to all the remaining teams tonight. 

   The Semi-Finals are upon us.  Last week’s matches whittled the field down to four teams on the road home.  In the “A” Division, the team of Mark Silva and Steve Marino continued on their last to first quest by defeating George Norton who was playing without his partner Jim Dwyer, 3&2.  Transcripts of Mark’s play by play are available upon request.  In the “B” Division, the team of Driscoll and Daszkiewcz won handily over the team of Lynch and Crowley, 4&3.    Dan blames it all on Bo’s Pitt Panthers Headcovers.  In the “C “ Division Jack Collins was unable to win without his partner, Joe Kennedy, as he fell to Steve O’Brien and Matt Silva, 2&1.  Joe was right Jack; it was him who was carrying the team all year.  Finally in the “D” Division, the Cinderella team of Gerry Ouellette and Tony Gagnon, defeated Dick Kelledy and Theresa Gorey 5&3.   They not the Cinderella team because they’re long-shots, it’s because they’ve been playing from the ladies tees.  We should also congratulate Ed Bauer who clinched the “C” Division individual prize last week and John Daszkiewcz who has all but clinched the “B” Division.